


And It All Falls Down

by MT_LostSoul



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-26 02:18:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6219757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MT_LostSoul/pseuds/MT_LostSoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The events that take place after 3 x 7. Clarke makes her way back to Arkadia, whilst Bellamy has a conflict of emotions. Lots of angst and some violence! Enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

—

Clarke awoke to a sharp pain at the side of her head. She slowly took in her soundings. She appeared to be chained to the floor of what looked to be a cell in a dungeon.

Trust the grounders to have a dungeon.

She took a breath, trying to remember how she got here. Images flashed through her mind; Lexa dying, Titus pulling a chip out of her neck, Murphy was somewhere and all she could remember hearing was glass-shattering screams. Its only now thinking back she realized. Those screams were coming from her. The fatigue overcame her once more and the world went black.

/

Bellamy stood guard, watching over the wall. The wall that kept them safe, the only thing keeping them from the grounders. By this point he almost felt like a part of this wall, they shared the same purpose.

He thought about Octavia, the moment they shared before the world turned against them once more, wondering whether she was safe and happy.

Bellamy had spent most of his life trying to keep her safe and now he was at a loss for purpose. When it comes down to it he was still unsure where he stood in this mess. Whether Octavia would come before the rest of them. He had lived with the responsibility of Octavia for so long, but now he had a responsibility to his people. Even in his unwavering anger for the grounders he was unsure that he would be capable of hurting his sister.

And then there was Clarke. Clarke who had fought him tooth and nail, every moment since they had hit the ground. Clarke who had killed Atom when he could not. Clarke who had burned the grounders alive. Clarke who couldn't lose him too. Clarke who had taken down the mountian. Clarke who left him, left them. Clarke who may as well be a grounder now.

The Clarke he knew was long gone, only Wanheda remained. He needed to believe that. Even when she broke down in tears before him, he couldn't let himself feel. That Clarke was gone, she wasn't coming back.

/

A horn in the far distance cut through the silence in the camp. Bellamy looked out to see armies of grounders in the far distance emerging from every corner, surrounding them. Rows of warriors descended into the far distance. They came to a halt around, around the camp walls. By then every Arkadian had awoken, watching in fear, anger or awe as these terrifying men caged them in. Arkadia somehow felt smaller, as if the camp was closing in on itself. There wouldn't be enough bullets in existence to save them now, Bellamy mused to himself. Pike stood at camp gates, watching, no doubt planning the next move necessary.

After what seemed like an eternity, a single warrior rode out, stopping just before Pike and stepped down. There was no fear in his eyes. No hesitation in his speech. He was surrounded by armed guards who would want nothing more then to shoot him down. Yet he looked around with nothing but pity and disgust in his eyes.

"Members of Skycru, you continue to defy our peace treaty. Lexa had offered you a way out. Blood must not have blood. Yet you tried to capture an kill an entire village that was at no fault. Our commander will accept this disobedience no more. We now declare a blockade, you may not leave. Any man found outside your camp walls will be dead within seconds. Our blockade ends when you hand over your leaders and surrender to the terms of our treaty. On recommendation by your ambassador we will accept anyone who surrenders and wishes to defer to Trikru. If you resist, if you are hostile, you will leave us with no choice but to decree upon you the same wrath that you unleashed upon our army"

There was a moment of silence before panic broke out, Pike had pulled out his gun to shoot down the grounder. Only to be hit over the head by Kane, who was screaming to hand him over.

Immediately Kane was dragged back to the cells by Farm station members. Abby stood in silence, scanning the armies for any sight of Clarke. Monty, Raven and Miller stood, stunned, unsure of what action to take. They directed their gaze to Bellamy, to their leader.

Bellamy was lost in thought; What would they do to Octavia or Clarke if no surrender was made? Bellamy glanced at Pike, for the first time feeling unsure of the leadership.

/

Hours had passed. Pike had declared that there would be no surrender. Those who opposed; Kane, Abby, even Harper had now been locked up. Bellamy had barely moved from where he had been sat in his room.

At least if he was now to die, he would do so with the knowledge that Octavia was far and safe. If he could not save anyone else, her hatred for him could save her.

/

It was early in the morning when he heard a shuffle; all of a sudden Octavia had ran into his room. Disheveled and followed by furious looking Indra, Bellamy barely was able to comprehend what was happening before he felt her weight of her fist come down and the world went black.

/

When Bellamy awoke, the first thing he realized was that he was handcuffed to the same bed frame, that he had handcuffed Clarke to. The second was that he was painfully alone. After hours of contemplating the series of events that had led to him being in that position, it was both a relief and a disappointment when Octavia finally came through the doors. His baby sister and she couldn't even look him in the eyes.

"Is this what you wanted Bellamy? War? Death? For everyone to feel just as broken and helpless as you do?" she spit out with a glare, not giving him a chance to answer.

"Did you ever think about what would happen to the rest of us? Don't you think we've all suffered? That Monty shares the same burden of the mountain as you? That Miller can't close his eyes without seeing the death come back to haunt him? That Harper keeps watching everyone she loves die? That Raven will never be ok? Do you even care? Don't even make me mention Gina, she would be disgusted at the sight of what you have become."

She took a breath, her voice now softer but still holding rage and hatred. "Lexa is dead. God knows what will happen to Clarke now. She can't save us anymore Bellamy; she can't fix your wrongs. So I'm going to leave you here, where you can't hurt anybody. But if you get out, if you try, I will kill you. You're not my brother. This Bellamy, this version of you, is a monster, and I won't be responsible for inflicting him onto this world once more".

With that Octavia turned around and left.

If Bellamy could feel anything anymore, he was sure he'd feel pain, guilt and loss. But that part of him was dead. He'd felt too much, screamed too much, mourned too much. All he was left with was this deafening emptiness, this hollowness at the pit of his stomach, consuming him whole. He would be happy to die, he was just so tired.

/

Clarke awoke one more to a ringing, she looked up and there were bells roaring everywhere. Was this the conclave? Had someone escaped? How long had she been here, chained to the floor, hidden from the world? All the pain, all the grief vanished, and she was left with one thought - her people.

She needed to get out, get to her people, save who she could. The rest she could deal with later, but she would not leave them. Not now, not after everything, not even Bellamy.

Bellamy the single thought of him sent a pain through her body. Her Friend. Her partner. She needed him so badly. But the anger in his eyes, the pain in his words, he would never forgive her. He hated her and she was now a stranger to him. In all that she'd lost, it never occurred to her that losing him would be the most wounding.

/

When she opened her eyes again she was faced with Murphy. "I know we have a bit of a rocky history, but you didn't think I would leave the mighty Wanheda to rot in a cell do you princess?" he added with a smirk. He pulled out a silver pin and started working on her cuffs, releasing her within minutes.

"Thanks Emori", he whispered to himself.

"Come now Clarke, we don't have much time".

With the last of her strength she followed Murphy, unsure of whether she could even trust him. Not that she even cared anymore. Once outside the Polis walls, Murphy turned to her.

"This is where we part ways, I don't know what has happened back at camp or what happened to you Clarke, but you'll be okay going back right? Bellamy will help you? I don't belong there, never did, its not my fight". He added with a concerned look.

"Thank you Murphy. I know you don't feel like you belong, but if you ever change your mind, you will have a place beside me".

"May we meet again".

With that Clarke begin her long trek to Arkadia, to her family.

/

After the best part of a day and half, Clarke looked up at the Arkadia walls. She had managed to get past the swarm of armies with a little help from Roan, the prince turned King. Who would have thought that he would become a good ally she though idly.

It was now or never, as she approached the gates she heard a guard yell and the gates swung open. As expected she was greeted by Pike; what she did not expect was Monty, stood next to him with a gun in hand. Before she could utter a single word she was hit over the head, tied up and gagged. While she knew her return wouldn't be welcomed with hugs and flowers, but she didn't expect to be treated like a prisoner. She wouldn't be able to help anyone like this; Clarke only hoped that Octavia had had better luck.

Whilst being shuffled towards through what remained of the ark, she caught sight of her mother and Kane, locked in a cell, fast asleep. She tried to scream, to yell, to run, but she was restrained at every turn. Clarke found comfort in that her mother seemed content with Kane. He would protect her.

/

Monty had now left, everyone had. It was just Clarke and Pike, she was tied to a chair, unable to move or speak.

"It's funny, I remember the Clarke on the Ark, one of my best students."

With a sigh he looked her in the eyes "But I guess it is a honor to meet the mighty Wanheda, killer of her enemies, deserter of her people. Nothing better then a filthy grounder. Your father would be so disappointed Clarke."

He turned around, picked up the taser of the table.

"After months of living as a grounder, I believe you will have some information Clarke. I want to know everything. I will bring down the grounders to save my people and you will help me".

Before Clarke could register her thoughts, she felt a blinding pain of the side of her torso, where the taser had hit. With a muffled scream she understood, he would torture it out of her. After a few rounds of the taser, Pike pulled down her gag.

"Any details come to mind that you'd like to share Wanheda?" he spit out with a smile.

"Go float yourself" she spat at him.

The gag was back on before she could scream and the pain continued to overwhelm her. They could kill her if they wanted, she didn't have anything to give to them. Lexa was gone, she wasn't even sure if the blockade was still the plan that was in force. Even if she did, she wouldn't give him anything, Pike wasn't looking for peace that's for sure.

She knew well aware that she didn't deserve to live anymore. Not after all the deaths; no one could possibly want her alive anymore. Death would be a kindness more she deserved, maybe this torture was fitting. The grounders had chained her up. So had her people. For the first time Clarke felt she could relate to Murphy. She didn't belong here anymore either. She had become a foreigner to her own. With that thought another zolt of electricity hit her.

The pain came in varieties of ways; a burn to her arm, a knife to her face. It was a surprise that body was still there, that she hadn't succumbed to the darkness that was calling her. She wondered how long she had been here. It felt like days but at the same time it could have only been hours. She didn't care anymore, craving the moment when the pain finally stopped and her body gave in.

/

"What do you think you are doing?"

An angry shout… she knew that voice.. Miller? She felt herself fading, only hearings bits of the conversation taking place in front of her.

"You're not supposed to be down here soldier, what do you think your doing?"

"What am I doing? What are you doing? How long has she been here? Oh My God Clarke can you hear me?"

Pike blocked his way, "She is a prisoner and a traitor, she is getting what she deserves", with that he lunged at Miller, but Miller was too quick he sprinted to the door and ran out.

/

Bellamy wasn't sure how long he'd been here now, he was growing restless, tired. He needed to do something, help his people. His door swung open, but instead of Octavia, it was Pike. Pike stood still for a second, slowly surveying the room

"What happened to you?"

"Octavia" Bellamy sighed, " I think she's long gone though.".

"What about Miller? Has he been through?"

"Miller? No why? Is he okay? I haven't seen him since yesterday".

Bellamy could have sworn he was a sigh of relief from Pike, who immediately went to help him undo the cuffs.

"It's chaos out there Bellamy, people are freaking out. I need you by my side now more then ever. Are you still willing to do anything necessary?"

Bellamy leveled him "Anything that needs to be done" he replied without hesitation.

He couldn't think about Octavia, Clarke, Kane. No, he was done giving orders, he was a soldier he would take any order given to him. The morality of his actions was no longer his burden to bear.

/

After going around the camp, he realized that people had calmed down. The panic had turned into anger, resistance and pride. Bellamy could relate, they would fight for their lives, their land. He'd been down this route before, lost so much. But he also accepted that sometimes there was no other option. No ring of fire that they could create, no miracle way out.

He thought of Raven, but couldn't see many of the remaining 47 around. Raven wasn't in her cabin, medical or her workstation. Just as he was about to give up he came face to face with Jasper.

"She's gone, most of them left. Decided to take the peace treaty and surrender. Octavia helped them sneak out".

"Why are you still here Jasper?"

Jasper let out a humorless laugh.

"I don't mind dying, and I will welcome watching you die Bellamy".

/

Bellamy was not surprised that many had left; they had been fighting for too long. War was tiring. One thing he couldn't stop thinking about was Pike, why had he asked about Miller specifically? Why had Miller not come to find him before he left? He hadn't even tried to convince Bellamy to leave with them? After everything, would Miller really leave him?

/

Bellamy decided to go attempt to be useful and speak to some of the farm station members to assess the situation. They were short on food and unable to leave, they wouldn't last long. If they were to retaliate and attack it would have to be soon. On his way back to his chambers, he felt a presence behind him. He turned around ready to shoot, only to come face to face with Miller.

"Nice to see you too Bellamy"

"What are you doing here Miller, what do you want? I should kill you on the spot for being a traitor" Bellamy shouted, letting the anger get the best of him. He was so tired of people leaving him..

Miller took in Bellamy, his anger, the gun still pointed at his face.

"And I thought I'd come warn you about Clarke, but you probably already know hey? Was it your idea to hurt her? What happened to you Bellamy? We all hurt. We all lost ourselves. Didn't turn the rest of us in to homicidal maniacs though".

Bellamy let his guard down for a second, "Clarke? Wha..."

Before he could finish his sentence he felt the weight of a baton come down onto him. By the time he composed himself Miller was long gone.

/

For the first time in a while, Bellamy felt something similar to concern. What had he meant by hurting Clarke? Why would Pike hurt her? Bellamy waited until nightfall hit and made his way to the cells, if Pike had her, she would be there.

He had been a guard long enough to know when the shifts swapped and was able to make his way down without anyone batting an eyelid. He approached the furthest door; heavy and hidden by the maze of the ark. He turned the handle and came face to face with something that would have broken him not long ago.

/

It was pretty dark but he could make out Clarke, tied to the chair at the center of the room. There were so many cuts and bruises; her clothes were drenched in blood. He wondered for a second, how a person could possibly bleed so much. She was barely conscious, unaware of his presence. Every cell in his body ached at the sight. He felt like he wanted to throw up, take her in his arms and kill every guard standing, all at the same time. A gasp slipped out of his mouth.

Clarke met his eyes, finally registering his presence. He didn't see Wanheda, the fearless leader, the destroyer of worlds. He was met with fear, the eyes of a broken teenage girl. It was like all the pain he had kept locked away come pouring out at once, he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to stop the hurt he felt at that moment. He moved towards her, only to result in her flinching away, trying to get out of the chair.

"Clarke"

His hoarse voice barely came out in a whisper.

"I'm not going to hurt you Princess, it's okay, just let me help you."

"Bellamy"

A voice came from behind him. Pike. He turned and faced the man he had trusted with his life. Conflicted as to whether this loyalty overrode his need to protect Clarke. Regardless of what had happened between them, he couldn't stand by while she was hurt.

"She is one of them"

Pike began to explain, noticing the look of horror on Bellamys face.

"She has been supplying them with information about us Bellamy. We need to know what is going to happen. We need to get that information from her. Do you think I wanted to hurt her? Jesus, Bellamy, look at her. After all this, her loyalty still lies with them, with Lexa. She left us. If it was anybody else you'd be able to see this rationally"

Bellamy looked at her; she didn't say a word, just watching the interaction, shrinking away.

"No, we don't hurt her" he demanded, trying to contain his anger.

Pike had a point, had it been someone he didn't know, he wouldn't even question the command.

"We can't let her go. So she can remain our prisoner. But I know Clarke. She won't give you anything if she has made up her mind. She doesn't deserve the peace of death just yet. So we keep her. But we stop with this"

His voice was even but his eyes conveyed a threat, if Pike insisted on torturing her, Bellamy would step out of line. Against his better instinct, he couldn't let this continue. Pike heard the threat in his words; he looked between them and finally let out.

"Fine, but she doesn't leave and no-one finds out she's here. I don't need Abby causing an uproar".

"You coming?"

Pike asked as he turned to leave, Bellamy didn't move.

"I think I'll stay here a while longer, she may talk to me"

To which Clarke let out a laugh. Bellamy turned to observe her but she didn't say any more. Her eyes still showed a shadow of fear, but something stronger was taking over her features. Hate. She hated him.

/

Once Pike had left, Bellamy fixed his gaze onto Clarke again.

"Are you going to talk to me? I just saved your life Clarke. You can't keep this up. Tell us what you know"

He looked at her wounds, and his voice softened.

"Please come back to our side. Tell us what you know and I can get you out of here. I can help you. We can fix this together". He added, mirroring what she had once said to him.

This caught her attention; she looked up at him once more, but didn't say a word. He moved to come closer to her but she flinched once again. His movements sent her body into panic. She was trying to get out of the restraints, only injuring herself further. Tears running down her cheeks. Bellamy froze.

"Okay, okay, its okay, I won't come any closer. Clarke I'm not going to hurt you. You have to believe me". He pleaded.

He turned and walked backwards, sitting himself in the corner furthest away from her. How had they gotten here, after everything they'd overcome? She used to trust him with her life, and now look at them. Just looking at her tore him apart. It made him question every decision he had ever made. But he couldn't help her; he wasn't the guy she once knew. All he could do was sit there, stare at the shell of a woman he once knew, the fearless leader now nothing more than a breathing corpse.

—----------------------------------------------------------------

This is my first fic so please leave a review and let me know what you think! If I should carry it on or leave the fic writing to the pros?

Thanks for reading :)


	2. Broken Soldiers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was one thing for Clarke to acknowledge that she was a terrible person, for her to hate herself. It was an entirely other type of pain for her to have the one person she trusted most in the world say it out loud to her. Bellamys words had felt like knives, each one digging deeper into her skin. That was the moment she had known she was broken.

This was all on her. She had led them onto this path. She despised herself for that. For what she had done to Bellamy, what he had become. The only spark inside her that kept her going was the thought of her people. That this was bigger then her, bigger then Bellamy. She couldn’t let them suffer for her mistakes.

So she had to keep fighting. She had to get out of there. She couldn’t let herself to feel anymore. Her feelings for Bellamy would confuse her. The lines between right and wrong always faded away when he was concerned. Had he asked her, she would have given up the world for him. But she didn’t have that luxury. People had depended on her; she couldn’t let anyone else die. She knew that the walls he had spent so long bringing down would have to go up again. The only difference this time was that they wouldn’t be coming down again. Not in this lifetime. Love was a weakness.

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

As time passed by, Bellamy was growing more and more frustrated. As much as it pained him to sit there, he couldn’t leave. He told himself it was to protect her. But deep down he knew better, he couldn’t protect anyone anymore. After being apart for so long, he just wanted to stay close to Clarke. He had always felt like they had been tethered, created to bear the burden of this world together. 

Morning came, without Bellamy even noticing. Clarke looked so at peace in her sleeping state, he knew better. She would never find peace in this life. The silence was both suffocating and a relief. He wished she would talk to him, yet he wasn’t sure he could handle what she would say.

All he could do was watch, watch the events unfold before him.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Pike strode in around midday, followed by three heavily armed guards. His face full of anger, all beaten and his knuckles bloody.

“A grounder broke out of the cells, he tried to kill me. It was a well staged attack”

He look at Clarke his voice turning venomous

“They nearly succeeded too. Tell me Clarke who is in on this with you? Kane? Abby? Who else? I know they had help from someone in the guard”

He picked up the taser from the table. Before he could take a step towards her, Bellamy was blocking his path.

“I thought we agreed that this wasn’t the right way to do things”

“Bellamy we have spies within our camp! How long do you think we will last? Think about your people. We can’t allow this. She knows what’s going on. She can tell us, she can stop this”

“If she wasn’t going to tell us anything before, why would this change anything? You’re just going to torture her to death and that’s not who we are”

Pike took Bellamy in, his mind forming an idea like clockwork.

“She won’t tell me anything, but we can’t deny that you bring out a certain reaction from her. Look we’re going to do whether you like it or not, but I’ll give you this Bellamy. You can be the one to do it. She might break if you’re the one to try. I don’t need to remind you what side you’re on, do I son?” 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Bellamy froze, this couldn’t be happening. Didn’t Pike know that it would hurt him more then it could ever hurt her. Every cell in his body craved to protect her, how could he do the opposite. Bellamy looked around the room; the guards outnumbered him. If he defied the orders he would be locked up and no help to anyone. 

He didn’t have a choice. She wasn’t his Clarke anymore, she was the enemy. He repeated this over and over in his head, knowing it was a lie. He turned to face Clarke; he’d expected a look of hatred. She looked scared.

His hands shook as he shuffled steps towards her. She thrashed around the chair violently, tears running down her face, desperately trying to escape. They both knew this would not be something that they could come back from.

“I’m so sorry Princess” he whispered softly, not trusting his voice not to crack.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Bellamy lost count of how many times he hurt her. Each strike sent a shiver of pain through his body. It was like a nightmare, one he so wished would end. 

“Enough” Pike gave an exasperated sigh.

“We’ll try again tomorrow. She can’t hold out forever” With that Pike got up and left.

Bellamy stood before her, finally letting the tears drown his face. His entire body shook with sobs, the taser rolled away. Clarke looked up her eyes meeting his. He couldn’t pinpoint the look in her eyes, a mixture of hurt and disgust. He felt like he was drowning, the coldness was consuming him and he couldn’t fight it anymore. What had he done?

“Just kill me and get it over with Bellamy”

His head shot up, she’d spoken. There was no anger in her voice just defeat.

“Clarke. I’m so sorry. Princess, I didn’t want to ” His words fell upon deaf ears, she had already slipped into the unconscious.

He wished it had been him; he was the one who had deserved it. 

When Pike returned he would hand himself in. He couldn’t do that again. He couldn’t bear anymore.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

The night went by in silence, Clarke hadn’t moved. The only way he knew she was even alive was through the soft breathing he could hear. Bellamy didn’t trust himself to go anywhere near her.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Early morning he heard the doors open, he readied himself. The doors flung open, but Pike did not follow. Miller rushed in followed by Octavia and Indra. Before he knew it Miller had knocked him down to his knees, and was holding a gun to his head. Octavia froze at the sight of Clarke. She turned slowly to face Bellamy.

“Bell, tell me you didn’t do this” Her eyes pleaded with him, hoping to find some humanity. He wished he could say that there was some left.

“I’m sorry O, I had no choice. I’m so sorry” He broke down.

Miller and Octavia shared a look of shock and disgust. Octavia made her way to Clarke who was slowly coming around.

“Come on Clarke, time to wake up.” She pulled Clarke free of her restraints, with the aid of Indra. Octavia didn’t turn back to look at him, she didn’t say bye. He was left with Miller.

“I should shoot you. Do you hate yourself that much that you had to get hurt the one person who always tried to find the best in you? I wish I could kill you. Don’t follow us”

Bellamy couldn’t move if he tried. His body had turned against him too. They didn’t trust him anymore, he didn’t trust himself. He was disgusted. 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Clarke awoke in a cot, she was no longer in Arkadia. She couldn’t remember how she got here. Bellamy. She remembered him. The pain had been relentless. There had been no mercy in his eyes. He wasn’t her Bellamy anymore, he had turned into the stuff of her nightmares. She remembered being scared. She wanted to die. Why was she still here?

“I wasn’t sure you’d make it”, she turned to see Octavia by the entrance watching her curiously. 

“I’m surprised you care”

"I don't”, Octavia stated with a smirk, her voice softened. 

“I’m sorry for what he did, I wish I could say he didn’t mean it but I don’t know anymore’.

Clarke took a deep breath, unable to deal with the thought of what had occurred.

“So what happens now”, Clarke sighed, ignoring the mention of Bellamy. 

She couldn’t handle it. In a thousand lifetimes she would never be able to handle it. What he had done to her had gone beyond the brutality of physical pain.

“We need to get them to hand Pike over, they won’t do that willingly. So we’re going to take him by force. He came after our army in the dead of the night, lets see how he likes it” Octavia added with a vicious smile.

Clarke moved to get up, this was plan she could get behind, even if she couldn’t feel half of her body,

“ You’re in no position to move Clarke, you’re not in the clear yet. We can do this one without you okay? You just need to rest."

Octavia looked at her hesitantly "There’s some people who want to see you, Would that be that okay?"

Clarke slid back down into the cot, it would be nice to see them, they had risked so much for her. But she wasn’t sure she could string more then a few sentences together before having a panic attack. Octavia studied her cautiously, she had never expected Octavia to still care.

“ Maybe in a little while, I’m not feeling too good right now”

Octavia smiled, the concern etched behind her eyes.

“Okay well Abby is with Kane working on how to get back in, she will be back to check on you in a while. I’ll tell them you’re still asleep. Whenever you’re ready Clarke. We’re all here.”

Clarke nodded and watched Octavia leave. To think a few weeks ago she was sure that Octavia was the Blake that hated her. She closed her eyes, letting her fatigue drag her back down.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

“Clarke, honey can you open your eyes?’

Clarke opened to see Abby staring down at her”

“Mom” Clarke whispered, tears running freely once more, when would they stop? 

Abby put her arms around her, consoling her.

“I’m so sorry , Clarke. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Let me check your wounds, how do feel? 

“Everything hurts" Clarke sobbed, finally acknowledging the pain.

"I don’t know where the wounds end and I begin. Why did he do this? ”

“I don’t know honey. I knew he was following Pike down a dark path, but I never imagined he could hurt you. I promise had I known I would have shot him down myself”.

Even after everything, the idea of Bellamy being killed sent a shiver through her body. Why did she even care, he clearly didn’t.  
She sat there curled up in her mother lap, wishing she was a child again. That she could start over, be better. She wanted to deserve better. Because even in all this pain and heartbreak, a part of her knew that she had deserved it.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Abby eventually had to leave. Clarke decided she should be brave enough to face them. Her friends, whom she had left. They must hate her.

“Mum you can tell them, I’m ready to see them now”

“Are you sure? They can wait Clarke”

“Lets just get it over and done with”.

 

Her mother left the tent unconvinced, she promised to return as soon as she could. She didn't ask about he plan, in turn her mother hadn't offered any further information. Clarke didn’t really want to know, she was done being in control.

She saw the curtain move and sat up. Miller shuffled in wordlessly, followed by Raven and Harper. Before she could speak, attempt to apologize, Raven had flung her arms around her, tears filling her deep eyes.

“You’re okay, I’m so glad you’re okay”

Clarke winced at the forced of her intensity.

“Let her breathe, your crushing her Rae” Miller said lightly with a smile.

“I’m sorry” Raven sobbed while pulling away, Clarke grabbed her hand and held on.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry I left all of you, I don't even know where to begin. I thought it was for the best. God I though I was protecting you from me. I’m so sorry’ Clarke sobbed.

“You did what you had to” Harper interrupted.

“We were angry, but we understood. I’m not going to lie I wish you had stayed. But Clarke you didn’t deserve this “ Raven said pointing at her bruised body.

“Maybe I did” Clarke whispered.

“No, You didn’t deserve this Clarke. I promise you that and Bellamy was no position to be handing out punishments, his ledger is just as red as yours, if not worse.” Raven stated, coldness springing to her words.

“He’s messed up, that's partly on me. I just, I don’t want to talk about him right now.” Clarke said softly looking up.

Raven nodded at her “that’s doable”

“So whats the plan?” Clarke didn't really care, she just wanted to concentrate on something else.

“Well for now it's to hand Pikes homicidal head over to the grounders” said Harper with a malicious smile.

“We are building our support up for Kane from the inside. Once Pike is take care of, we’re going to have to handle Farm station before they can do any harm”

“I’m all down for giving their fascist asses to the grounders, but Kane is thinking of telling them to go build their own establishment, separate from Arkadia. He doesn’t want to make people stay under force." Harper explained  
The treaty won’t apply to them and they can go fight the grounders happily into the sunset. Our people will be safe” Miller added.

“We go in tonight, we take them all down if we have to. We’re getting Pike I promise” said Harper.

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

When night hit, Clarke was left to contemplate her thoughts. She had no doubt they would do their best. Her absence they had made them more resilient. She was happy to know that their moral compass had not  
wavered, not even when the lead had. It was with both heartbreak and relief she acknowledged that they didn’t need her to lead anymore. She wondered whether it was because she had abandoned them, that they didn’t trust her anymore. She couldn’t blame them, she was in no position to give anyone orders, she was barely holding it together. 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

What side would Bellamy take, would they have to bring down their former leader, their friend? She hoped it wouldn't come to it.

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Sorry it took me so long to update! Thank you all so much for the kind comments. Any comment / helpful criticism is much appreciated x


	3. Happy Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life after its all over.

Chaos had broken out around Bellamy, yet he could not bring himself to care. Octavia, Miller and Harper had broken out those who had been held in the cells. All of them. Gone. A safe distance away from him,. The thought that Clarke needed to have been rescued from him made his stomach churn.

Pike had been furious. It turned out that Monty and Brian had switched sides and aided the others. Bellamy wasn’t sure whether to feel betrayed or happy that they had been able to redeem themselves. That they hadn’t followed him into this dark abyss.

He knew the others well enough to know that they would be returning for Pike. He should have been planning and coming up with a counter attack. But that was just it. He didn’t want to be attacking them. He had been so focused on keeping everyone safe that he hadn’t realized he was the one they needed protecting from. 

Every time he closed his eyes he saw Clarke, coated in blood screaming for mercy. His actions would haunt him for an eternity, he feared that not even in death would he be able to escape the horrors he had inflicted. 

He thought back to all those deaths he had been responsible for. The people floated on the Arc, the grounders around the Dropship, Mount Weather, and the army outside Arkadia. When did the deaths stop being justifiable? To protect his people, he had killed so many more. Were their lives worth more? Was surviving worth everything he had done? Was living even worth it now, knowing at what cost it had come?

He could still stop this and help the others. Not to redeem himself, no. He would never be able to redeem himself, the bad that he had done would always outweigh any good. But he could help put things right. 

It had just gone past midnight when he heard the guards yell. Bellamy braced himself and grabbed his gun. He would do what was right this time. With that thought he left his room, ready to face the people he once called friends.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Clarke was starting to get worried; the team had left just before night hit to carry out their plan. It was almost midday and she had heard nothing yet. Nyko had come to check up on her a few times. She knew from him that Monty was around. Apparently he had defected from under Bellamys’ wing and helped them get her out. He hadn’t tried to visit her and in turn she wasn’t sure she wanted to see him. He had known where she was and let Pike and Bellamy torture her.

It wasn’t even about forgiveness anymore; she had leant the hard way. In this world forgiveness was a myth. Bellamy never forgave her for leaving, for any of it. She would never be able to forgive him either. The same way that her friends would never truly forgive her for abandoning them. When you hurt someone you create a crack in the foundation, as much as you can try and plaster over that crack, it will never be fixed. It will never be whole again. 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

After a further day of Clarke drifting in and out of sleep, Nyko visited again.

“We will be moving you soon, I believe its time for you to go home”

“Home?”

“They have reclaimed the Ark, Pike has been handed over to Aiden. The blockade has come to an end.”

Clarke didn’t know how to feel. She was glad that it was over. But Nyko had offered no further information. At what cost had this come? Whose life would she be mourning next? What had happened to Bellamy? The Bellamy she knew would have gone down fighting for what he believed in. 

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

 

She had been unconscious for most of the journey.

 

When she came too, she was in her mothers’ chambers. The sunlight was blinding. She closed her eyes and averted her face, she felt a sharp pain on her side as she attempted to shift. Her mother wouldn’t be impressed if she had tore through her stitches.

“Clarke, welcome home. How do you feel?”

Jackon edged towards her cautiously, everyone kept treating her like she was about to have some mental breakdown,

“What happened? Is everyone okay?” She needed to know, she closed her eyes and awaited the bad news.

“It wasn’t easy but we got through. Pike is dead. The remainder of his followers are in the cells below. There were a few causalities, Miller was shot, but your mum thinks he will be okay. Its over” Jackson added with a smile.

“Bellamy?”

Jackson stopped what he was doing and turned to face Clarke.

“When we came back, he helped us. Without him I don’t think we would have been able to get Pike down so easy. Regardless of his actions a lot of people are still very angry at him, he has been kept in a separate cell below”.

Clarke let out a sigh of relief; Bellamy was ok. She didn’t know what to think of his swapping sides. If he was going to help them, why couldn’t he have stopped when Pike had ordered him to torture her. Or did he really just hate her that much. As selfish as it may have been she was glad he was locked up.

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Octavia and Lincoln, approached a few hours later, with some food for her.

“How you feeling there? 

Octavia sat cross-legged in front of her, Lincoln stood beside them. He was trying to be polite about it, but she saw the look of horror on his face when he met her eyes. She must really have looked a state. Thankfully there was an absence of mirrors in Arkadia. In the whole surviving thing, they had forgotten about luxuries such as vanity.

 

“I’m better, Give Nyko my thanks.”

Octavia nodded “ So Clarke. This is goodbye”

Clarke shot up. She had expected as much, she knew Octavia wouldn’t stay. Bellamy had been the only thing keeping her here. She smiled. Octavia deserved the freedom. The scared girl who had been kept hidden under the floorboards. The carefree teenager who had been ready to take on the world. Now a fearless warrior, who never wavered in making the right choices. She couldn’t have been prouder of who Octavia had become. Lincoln would keep her happy in her adventures.

“Thank you. I would have deserved it had you left without saying bye”

“I forgave you a long time ago Clarke, I never understood you but I forgave you. I should thank you, we wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the sacrifices you made for us. I know you don’t think forgiveness is possible for you anymore. But forgive yourself. Move on. Don’t let giving up be your defining moment”

“And Bellamy?”

Octavia’s eyes clouded over with the mention of his name.

“Bellamy doesn’t deserve a goodbye. I don’t care what he did. He turned his back on me Clarke, on us. Lincoln nearly died because of him. I’m happy to leave and never see his face again.”

“I understand, I wish I could say I didn’t but I do. Be safe Octavia. You deserve all the happiness and I hope you find it”

Octavia wrapped her in a fierce embrace, “You too Clarke, May we meet again”

“May we meet again”.

Clarke watched Octavia leave with a feeling of sadness, her eyes welled up with tears. At least one of us had gotten out, she though bitterly. 

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

 

Bellamy sat curled up at the furthest end of the cell.. Lincoln had visited him earlier, Bellamy hadn’t had the courage to attempt to beg for forgiveness. However Lincoln had no interest in discussing the past with Bellamy. He had come bearing the news that him and Octavia were leaving, not to return. Octavia didn’t want to say bye but Lincoln felt as though Bellamy should at least know. With that Lincoln had left. They must be far away by now he thought. He was glad, Octavia deserved to be happy and free of him. He wouldn’t have even known what to say to her. The young girl who chased butterflies was long gone. 

The rest of Farm station had accepted the deal to go start over elsewhere. Bellamy had refused, he didn’t belong with them. He didn’t belong here either. Kane had visited him and had forgiven him. Kane nearly died because of him and yet he was happy to forgive and forget. He told Bellamy that he was free to leave the cell. It remained unlocked but Bellamy didn’t want to leave. He deserved to be here. They hated him; Miller and Harper hadn’t given him a seconds glance. When Raven had seen him she has thrown herself at him, he was sure she was responsible for his bruised eye. She had to be pulled off by Miller, although it seemed as though that was done reluctantly. He hadn’t fought back, he had just welcomed the pain that he so deserved. Abby had refused to treat his wounds. 

He wasn’t wanted here, he had nothing left to fight for. He closed his eyes for a second, hoping he would be granted the peace of a dreamless sleep.

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

 

A week had gone by since Arkadia had been restored to its proper leadership. A few people had left with farm station, unable to understand the concept of peace on the ground. Clarke was slowly getting better; she had taken on Octavias advice about forgiving herself. It came in little attempts; she had been making sure she ate and rested well. The pains still came when she was moving too much. The cuts on her face and hands had started to heal, she was sure she would remain scarred though. 

Her friends had visited her daily, Miller had spent most of his days with her, both of them recovering from their injuries. She had heard that Bellamy had locked himself in one of the cells and refused to come out. They had found his unconscious body after Abby finally cracked and decided to check on him. He had been injured in the fight and kept it to himself in a standard Bellamy-like fashion. He remained unconscious as far as she was aware, with only Monty at his side. 

Clarke hadn’t tried to get the rest of them to forgive Bellamy. She feared she never would be able to forgive him. The thought of seeing him gave her anxiety. Even then a part of her hoped he would make it through. 

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

 

“The air could be toxic”

“Who we are and who need to be to survive are different things”

“I need you, if you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you”

“We survived and a large part of that is due to Bellamy”

“He’s killing him”

“Bellamy”

“We can fix this together”

“If you’re going to kill me just do it already”

 

Bellamy jolted awake, his movements causing him to realize a throbbing pain in his left side. 

“Bellamy! You’re awake.”

Bellamy looked around until his eyes met that of Monty. Sweet Monty who had never wished anyone any harm. He and Clarke had forced Monty to lose his innocence at the mountain, only for Bellamy to make him do so much worse. Poor Monty, he was never meant for any of this and yet he sat by Bellamy.

“What happened” Bellamy whispered.

“You were injured during the fight Bell, a deep wound to your side. It got infected; you’ve been out of it for the past week. Abby wasn’t sure you’d make it”.

“Abby patched me up?” Bellamy asked in surprise, surely she would have rather left him to bleed out for what he had done to Clarke.

“She said it was her duty as a doctor. How are you feeling?”

“Better then I deserve I expect”

“I’ll go grab Jackson for you”

Bellamy sighed, why did he have to wake up? When would it be over?

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

 

It had been a few weeks since Bellamy had woken up, he was fully recovered now. Yet Monty and Kane wouldn’t let him wonder too far, they knew that he wanted to leave. He couldn’t find it in himself to let them down again so he stuck around. He spent most of his time in his chambers, re –reading some books Monty had gotten him. Monty had been like a beacon of hope, bringing him books and food, not even pushing the issue of rejoining the rest of them. 

Bellamy had ventured out a few times. He’d expected harsh words even some violence but the reaction of his former friends were so much worse. They had ignored him distanced themselves every time he came near. The same people who had once hung on his every word, who had fearlessly marched into battle behind him. 

It was fair. There was nothing he could say to make up for his wrongs, and they all knew that. They were better off without him. He had caught a glimpse of Clarke just once, the blonde hair and bruised face. He was relieved to see her walking about, looking so much better. He had immediately turned around and retreated to his room. He was surely the last person she would have wanted to see. 

 

Unfortunately he had forgotten about the fact that the world hated him. As he left his chambers that evening, he followed the same path he did most nights to showers that Raven had engineered. He snuck out when everyone was ready to sleep so that he wouldn’t have to interact with anyone. 

As he came around one of the corners, he walked straight into someone. He placed his hands on the wall to steady himself and looked into deep blue eyes. Clarke. She just stared up at him, not speaking but backing away slowly. It took him a moment to realize that she might still be scared of him. He turned around and sprinted back to his room. He needed to leave soon. 

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Clarke was stunned. She knew she’d see him eventually, she’d heard that he had stuck about. But still nothing could prepare her for this. His eyes, the dancing pools of chocolate now still. He barely looked like the Bellamy she had once known. He definitely hadn’t been eating well, the circles under his eyes showed that they shared the same sleepless nights. He looked aged, sad and broken. Yet she still hadn’t been able to stop herself from shrinking away from him. 

It came back in flashes; her screams. The pain. Bellamy. He hated her and he had hurt her. She felt her chest closing up; she was struggling to breath as she dropped to her knees. She heard footsteps.

“Clarke!” Raven kneeled down to Clarke and looked into her eyes.

“You’re having a panic attack Clarke, I need you to look at me. Breathe”

Raven started to take some deep breaths in hope that Clarke would follow. Eventually her breathing became easier but the sobs didn’t end, she curled up next to Raven on the floor. Crying for the boy she could have once loved.

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

 

Morning came sooner then he had anticipated. Bellamy had spoken to Kane and Monty earlier. They were both disappointed in his choice but they had accepted that he needed to leave. He was leaving behind the only two people in the world who still cared about him, and a camp full of people he had once thought of as family. He needed to do this. He turned around at the gates, taking in for one last time, what he had helped to build.

He had always been a whirlwind of emotions, passion embedded into fierce intensity. He’d thrown himself wholly into whatever needed to be done. He had given so much of himself away, but it wasn’t enough. It would take time to rebuild himself into somebody he could stand. Not the rebel leading the lost. Not the heartless murderer doing what he thought was right. In the midst of all his sorrow, he felt himself unburdened. 

“May we meet again”, he muttered as he delved into the unknown.

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

 

Clarke awoke in Ravens bed; the older girl had clung onto her as they slept. Hoping that she could hug away the pain. Clarke snuck back into her chambers; she stopped in her tracks at the sight on a letter on her bed. She didn’t need to even open it to know who it was from. Clarke slowly edged towards her bed. Finally ready to deal with the events of the past.

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

 

Clarke.

I’ll just say it once because repeating it will hold no value. And I could say it over and over for the rest of my life. I’m so sorry. For what I did to you, for what I said, for how I acted. You have always seen the best in me, even when I didn’t deserve it. When you left, I felt like the better side of me left too. It’s not an excuse; everything I did was on me. Even the Mountain, Clarke I blamed you for it but it was my choice. 

I don’t want forgiveness, in a million lifetimes I will never be able to earn any redemption. I just want you to know how special you are, to me and to everyone. I just want you to be happy. And know that you deserve that happiness. 

Life on the ground has been a glimpse of hope, lost in the pain and horrors we have incurred. I close my eyes and see so much blood and death, but then I catch a glance of blonde hair and unyielding blue eyes. It gives me hope, hope for humanity.

I wish things had gone down differently I really do. Maybe in another lifetime I could have bought you that drink. Maybe then maybe we could have become so much more then what this world has made of us. I think I loved you for a very long time, the irony is that I only realized how much I loved you when I hurt you.

You deserve love that is pure, untainted. Someone who will protect you from the likes of me. Someone who will chase away your nightmares. Not create them. I remember the brave Princess who challenged me and didn’t back down when things got hard. Who tried to make me a better person. 

A part of me wishes that I had died on the Ark and never come down. The more selfish part of me is glad I did, because I got to meet you. You’re my wish upon a shooting star and I fucked it up so badly. Knowing you has been the highlight of this nightmare we call life. 

Nothing before of after will ever make sense again. But that one moment when we stood together and believed we could take on the world. That will remain in my heart forever,

I am a poison and I hurt those I love, my mother, Gina, Octavia, you. All punished for my mistakes. I’ve hurt you enough Clarke. By the time you read this I will be long gone. For your sake and for everyone’s I will stay away.

 

May we never meet again.

I will love you always,

Bellamy 

 

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Happy endings are a distant wish upon a shooting star. A fleeting look at what happiness could be. In the end it is too deeply buried in the darkness that surrounds it to ever be within our reach.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure whether writing is for me so please comment if you like any of my work! (Or if you hate it) X


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